Love vs Lust.

In all honesty, what have i learnt about love and lust? And where have i learnt it from? Something i have been pondering today really. I mean, Jay, my first boyfriend. I dont think that was ever a question of love or lust. I feel that was more about the feeling of being wanted by someone else. The kisses, and the holding hands was just perfect really. But there was still the public awkwardness i think. And although i felt bad ending it at the time, i think in hindsight it was for the best, and now were good friends.

Hindsight? Its a beautiful thing isnt it?

Now Owain. To be honest it doesnt matter how much he hates me now, i dont actually hate him. Its weird actually. I feel nothing. Im literally sat here and i feel no emotion towards him now, which is haunting. For nearly three years he was everything. And although the end of it hurt me more than anything i have ever experienced before, i truly loved him. And i think we both learned a lot from each other. Of course, he will always be my first love. And i will always be his. Like it or not.

Then, since ive been at uni, have i been craving that feeling again? I mean with the guy my friends either refer to as the twat or the dick, it was all about lust and revenge, and its a mistake ive made a few times since. I think today i have come to realise i need to put this mistake in the past. And Jake ... lets not go there. I dont even want him as a friend now. He can play the innocent face if he wants. Im no longer concerned. I wish him a happy life, away from me.

So the question lies, love or lust? Which one. Well, in my experience, being in love was amazing and terrible at the same time. It was the feeling of waking up with butterflies knowing that there was someone out there thinking of just me. But at the same time, it was the terror, that someone could take this all away at any moment ... and in the end my so called best friend did. Making Love and Sex are two totally different concepts, and both have there merits. Making love, when your body seems totally connected to the one that you love is amazing. Its euphoric and feels like it lasts forever. But when that kind of connection breaks down i think its important to have relations in a more relaxed way for a while. Im not saying sleeping with everything that moves, on the contrary. Go on a few dates and have some fun.

I cannot say which one i prefer. Both are amazing at the right times.

Onwards and Upwards girls, Im ready for whatever experiences life wants to throw at me :)

Charlotte-Lucy